When you are struggling with a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder, the ability to connect with your own baby, let alone others can be exhausting. The truth of is most people don’t expect to struggle to feel connection with their baby. The culturally acceptable belief is that a mother’s love and intuition come naturally and right away. Yet, for many women that is not the case and the fear that baby will struggle with attachment issues due to this perceived lack of bonding can really exasperate mental health symptoms and lead to more difficulties connecting with baby.
However, you do not have to wait to feel fully better to connect with your baby. I know you are struggling now, but you will get better, it just might take some time. In the mean time, attaching with your baby is important for both of you and will likely help with your recovery.
Here are 5 different things you could try to connect with your baby, and no, you do not have to try them all!
- Sit baby on your lap and read a book or magazine to baby ( Twilight, anyone?). Do this for at least 30 minutes a day for 2 weeks; then evaluate how you feel about this bonding time. The act of engaging with your baby in a meaningful way, be it silly or serious, may take pressure off and may help to relieve stress. If your baby sees you happy or relaxed, they will feel that.
- Sign up for infant massage or baby yoga classes. This is an interesting one, it can feel weird at first for many, but touch is a wonderful way to start building healthy connection with baby. Plus, having a supportive group of women surrounding you who are trying to figure out how to mom and connect with baby, that’s just a bonus.
- Sing to baby ( Arianna Grande, Miranda Lambert, whatever you please). Babies love the sound of their mother’s voices and this can increase bonding and connection between both of you. While you are singing make eye contact with baby, this visual cue increases healthy attachment and lets baby learn valuable communication skills.
- Baby wear. This keeps baby warm, close to you and helps baby feel safe and secure. When we are talking about healthy attachment safety plays a huge role. Baby will likely be less fussy when they are worn, thus leading to less stress from mom.* If this is painful for you, try another option, listen to your body. An increase in physical pain will not help to relieve your mental health symptoms.
- Engage with baby while feeding. Whether it is breast or bottle, focus on making eye contact and talking about whatever is on your mind ( the news, speaking your to do list, affirmations).
If you continue to struggle with connection, reach out to your counselor or peer support group for support. You are not alone, you are here reading this post trying to support your baby. You are doing a great job, one day at a time.
